, , , ,

Massage for Maternal Wellness with Sally Hayes

Massage for Maternal Wellness with Sally Hayes, CMT

Sally Hayes, CMT of Women in Self Healing (WISH)

 

Please introduce yourself (give us a brief bio about your education, training, practice, and any areas of specialization).

My name is Sally, and I have been a massage therapist for over two decades! My background is in Women’s Studies at the University of Georgia, which informs my focus and specialty at WISH: providing maternal wellness massage, which assists in better pregnancy and postpartum care to all bodies.

I trained in Clinical Sports Massage at the Atlanta School of Massage; Mercier Therapy with Dr. Jennifer Mercier; Fertility Massage with Hethir Rodriguez; Yoga Teacher Training with Lilah Schwartz, Kali Durga, and Kelly Wood; and Sound Healing school at the Institute of Sound and Consciousness.

I founded WISH to provide evidence-based bodywork from preconception through postpartum.

How did you become interested in working with fertility/maternal wellness clients, and what do you love most about it?

The most exciting part of working with people through the perinatal period is that you get to go along on the journey with your client. It’s so great to watch how the body changes during this process and how massage therapy can help alleviate anxiety through this time.

 

What piece of advice would you give your 16-year-old self (or other 16-year-olds) based on what you have learned (about life, fertility, or wellness)?

Drink Red Raspberry Leaf tea every day!

 

What do you do to feed your soul/joy?

Read and get into nature. Nothing makes me happier than a good book 😉

 

Do you have any other practitioner(s) you love who we should interview/get to know?

Abbe Feder, InCircle Fertility

 

Website: womeninselfhealing.com

Contact phone: 424.279.8867

Social media handles: instagram.com/womeninselfhealing

, , , ,

Acupuncture for Fertility with Ashley Smith

Acupuncture for Fertility with Ashley Smith

Ashley Smith, L.Ac of Elemental Wellness Acupuncture

 

Please introduce yourself (give us a brief bio about your education, training, practice, and any areas of specialization).

Hello! I experienced the profound impact of Chinese Medicine after being diagnosed with a rare kidney disease. This experience inspired me to change the trajectory of my life. I left my corporate career to study and share this powerful medicine and now, years later, I am still in awe of this practice. Before pursuing this path, I received a Bachelor of Science from The University of Texas at Austin. I went on to graduate Summa Cum Laude with a Masters in Traditional Oriental Medicine from Emperor’s College in Santa Monica. There, I had the privilege of treating hundreds of patients in the community clinic, while training under world-renowned practitioners. I am currently pursuing a doctorate of acupuncture and oriental medicine (DAOM) with a focus on women’s health and reproductive medicine at Yo San University in Los Angeles. My areas of specialization include reproductive health at all stages of life, from fertility to menopause, as well as stress conditions, mental health (all ages), and pain.

 

How did you become interested in working with fertility/maternal wellness clients and what do you love most about it?

I became interested in this specialty after my own experiences trying to get pregnant, finally getting pregnant naturally with twins, struggling through a challenging postpartum phase, and all the ups and downs of early motherhood. I have leaned into Chinese Medicine for all of it and it has been such a powerful healing resource every step of the way. I know it can help so many other women too as they navigate challenges around fertility and motherhood.

 

What piece of advice would you give your 16-year-old self (or other 16-year-olds) based on what you have learned (about life, fertility, or wellness)?

Get to know your body and learn to love yourself! Become best friend’s with you. Pay attention to your body’s messages and learn to work with them. I think so many young people fight against their physical form and their body’s cycles. Even hating their body at times. You have to make peace with your body, love yourself, and recognize what a beautifully complex system you are. You have all the power to grow and heal, you just have to learn how to work with your body and approach physical challenges from a place of nurturing and love rather than self-loathing or hate. There is a lot of psychology around this and the idea of your body holding chronic pain or excess fat as a self-defense mechanism.

 

Do you have a favorite book or other fertility resources you would like to share?

I found Dr. Randine Lewis’ The Infertility Cure to be incredibly helpful when I was trying to get pregnant. It is filled with great explanations and supplement and dietary suggestions.

 

Do you have a favorite “clean” beauty or household product you love and would recommend?

I love Osea body butter and body oil. They are absolutely decadent products that make me feel like I’m having a spa moment whenever I use them.

 

What are you grateful for this week?

My kids and my husband. They always ground me in what is really important, no matter how crazy the rest of life gets. Also, feeling grateful for cooler weather this week – finally!

 

What do you do to feed your soul/joy?

I love cooking, hiking, and spending time with my family in our backyard – working in the garden, playing, and relaxing. Travel is also one of my favorite things when I can get it in.

 

Do you have any other practitioner(s) you love who we should interview/get to know?

My business partner, Anna Galle, L.Ac.

 

Website: www.elementalwellnssacupuncture.com

Contact phone: 512-799-9753

Email: elementalwellnessacupuncture@gmail.com

Social media handles: @elementalwellnessacupuncture

, , , , , ,

Is it safe to practice yoga while on Follicle Stimulating Drugs?

If you are approaching or in the midst of fertility treatment, you may have heard horror stories about follicle-stimulating drugs (FSD). And this may make you feel apprehensive to practice fertility yoga during this time.

In this post, we are going to answer the question: Is it safe to practice yoga while on follicle-stimulating drugs?

Everyone reacts a bit differently to any drugs, including FSDs.
Some people metabolize drugs more quickly (“ultra-rapid processors), some in a more balanced “typical” way, while others are slow processors and more likely to get “toxic” at “normal” doses (ultra-sensitive processors). So, first and foremost, it is important to pay attention and honor your body’s needs in its current state.

One of the biggest concerns, when one is on FSDs, is a condition called ovarian torsion (when the ovary twists upon itself). It is one complication of OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome) which may also cause symptoms such as blood clots, fluid build-up in the abdomen, breathing problems, and in severe cases, death.

Follicle Stims and Yoga
Since FSDs enlarge the follicles and all other surrounding organs, we recommend, from a fertility yoga perspective, that you avoid any twisting poses while on FSDs and in the short time thereafter — until you feel like the drugs have cleared the body and feel more normal (no bloating/fullness, etc.).

Otherwise, you may notice that certain yoga positions may just feel uncomfortable (e.g., Forward Fold, Child’s pose). But here’s the good news: this is a comfort issue and not a safety issue! In our #fertilityyoga practices, we give you specific instructions as to how to modify, as needed.

Movement is Important
One thing we want to impress upon you is: don’t be afraid to move! To move intelligently and mindfully is actually very beneficial during this time, for both the mind and body. This is also a wonderful opportunity to practice getting quiet and listening to your deep voice of intuition in regards to what type(s) of movements and practices feel right for you at this time.

Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge (with gratitude) what your body has been through up until this point and what it is capable of creating.

Visualization Practice
Visualization is a powerful tool to use during the process leading up to egg retrieval. We offer guided meditations and visualizations in our Soulful Conceptions™ Membership Immersion Home Study Program that will help support you during this time, and beyond!

, , , , , , , ,

A Different Perspective on New Year’s Resolutions

As we rang in the New Year for 2022, we declared, “No More Resolutions!”
It’s that time of year when the collective talks about resolutions. Instead, we are offering a slightly different perspective on New Year’s Resolutions. And a tip on how to actually create lasting change.

Why Resolutions Often “Fail.”
In the next couple of paragraphs, we will discuss why resolutions often fail. Additionally, we will also give an example of steps you can engage to move towards a goal.

First, think about any resolutions you made this year or ones you created in the past. Were they more broad, general ideas, or were they specific with a plan?

In Psychology, we use the term “behavioral prescriptions” to describe specific behaviors or steps we can engage in to move towards a goal.

One example if the goal was to learn how to ballroom dance, the specific steps might include:

1) Researching local dance studios;
2) Signing up;
3) Attending the classes regularly; and,
4) Making time to practice 1-2 days a week outside of class.

The next thing to consider is that individuals often give up before the new behaviors (thoughts or actions) have been solidified in the brain. That “solidification” is through the process of neuroplasticity.

What is Neuroplasticity?
Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to bud new neurons (your thinking cells) and to make connections between neurons.

For this process to happen, we need to FOCUS + PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.

The good news is that we all have the ability to create new pathways in the brain, we just have to follow the rules of neuroplasticity.

Fostering Change. One Thing at a Time.
So, now you hopefully have a better understanding of the principles of change. With this clarity, it will help you to foster the changes you seek.

We also recommend you pick ONE thing at a time to work on, rather than try to change many things at once.

How come?

1) It will be easier to focus on one thing at a time.

2) Once you have success changing the first thing it helps to convince your subconscious that you can create other changes in your life!

, , , , , , ,

Mindful Being Series with Brenda Strong

Mindful Being Series with Brenda Strong

In our very first #MindfulBeing series, we had the honor of getting into a multifaceted and thoughtful conversation with our special Guest Speaker, Brenda Strong. Brenda is probably best known for her Emmy nominated narration work as the voice of Mary Alice Young on Desperate Housewives, Lillian Luther on Supergirl or Mrs. Walker on 13 Reasons Why, which are just a few among the hundreds of shows she has done over the last few decades.

 

What you may not know about Brenda is that she is also an amazing yoga teacher (with 25+ years of experience) and a pioneer in the world of infertility; she developed a yoga methodology for those going through fertility challenges and served as the National Spokesperson for the American Fertility Association for many years.

 

Recently we (Deborah & Wendy) had been chatting with Brenda about some of the triumphs and challenges of being a woman at this time in the world, and so we thought it would be fun to get together, in a more formal way, to discuss these ideas and kick off our Mindful Being Series.

MAKE YOUR MESS YOUR MESSAGE

Brenda shares her personal #storyofinfertility which began with challenges conceiving her first child. She turned to her yoga training and TCM (traditional Chinese medicine) and was able to successfully conceive and bring her son into the world. When she was unable to get pregnant a second time (a condition known as “secondary infertility”) she decided to make her “mess” her message and from that, Strong Yoga4Fertility was born.

USING THE FERTILITY JOURNEY AS A GROWTH OPPORTUNITY

While the process of conception may seem simple, it is also wonderfully complex. Two individuals may look the “same” on paper, yet one goes on to conceive naturally and the other needs help (e.g., IVF) or may never conceive. In our discussion, Brenda encourages all women (and their partners) to learn more about their bodies and how other factors, such as nutrition and environmental toxins, may play a significant role in the ability to conceive, have a healthy baby, and gain/maintain personal health (whether or not you ever have a baby).

COMING BACK TO THE WISDOM OF THE RED TENT

At one point in time, women would gather in “The Red Tent” during menstruation to rest and pass down wisdom from one generation to the next. It was an incredible opportunity to self-nurture and be nurtured by others, emotionally and physically. These elements are incorporated into the fertility yoga work first created by Brenda, and now through the mind-body wellness and group support we currently provide. We also discuss the importance of having this collective safe space in the modern world, and how when women have the chance to come together and share, is an integral part of the healing process.

THIS IS ABOUT MORE THAN “JUST” FERTILITY

When you can step back and find some space from the current “problem” (i.e., your fertility challenges), it opens you to possibility and the other life lessons presenting themselves. Brenda shares her thoughts on seeing the fertility journey as an opportunity to practice more self-care, compassion, better your relationship with your partner, etc.

THE LEGACY OF RGB AND THE POWER OF CHOICE

Brenda speaks passionately about RBG’s legacy and how she affected change that has really impacted all women for the better, i.e., granting certain privileges that haven’t always been there, including the right to make choices about our own bodies.

WOMAN’S WISDOM AND OUR ROLE IN HEALING

We also explored women as the caretakers of life, healers of the planet, and those who hold a deep respect for life as it extends past us. There is wisdom innate to each of us. If we get still and quiet enough, our inner guidance system will lead us powerfully along the way of life.

SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH

Brenda spoke openly about challenging her biggest fear related to being a public persona, and we discussed the freedom that comes from being authentic.

We have known and loved Brenda for a long time and could have chatted for hours! To learn more about Brenda Strong and how our work and life paths have shifted because of our knowing of one another, take a listen.

We would love to hear your biggest takeaway from this in-depth conversation. Can you share?

 

We are excited to soon launch our Mindful Being Podcast to all of you. Be sure to follow us on IG and stay tuned!

 

, , , , , , ,

Thrive on the Two Week Wait

Thriving on Two Week Wait

Thrive on the Two Week Wait

At a time when it benefits you most to thrive on the two-week wait (TWW), this is the time when you probably feel like you’re just surviving. Instead of feeling grounded and calm, the #twoweekwait is usually fraught with extremely fluctuating emotions and energy. In fact, for most people, the TWW feels like the longest 14 days of your life.

But what if we told you there were four simple elements to focus on that which would enable you to not only survive the TWW, but dare we say: “thrive” during this trying time? 

Before we dive into the details of these elements, here are the words we want you to remember to help you thrive on the two-week wait:

• Thoughts
• Emotions
• Body
• Breath

Arriving at the Two Week Wait

Getting yourself to the TWW can feel like you’ve just run a marathon! So much to do and decisions to be made — timed sex, medications to take, doctors’ visits, and on and on. Perhaps you feel really hopeful. Perhaps you feel really scared. Perhaps you feel all of that wrapped together, and then some!

Above all, what we really want to encourage you to do is live your life! You’ve done all you can up to this point. 

Now is the time to start thriving!

So, when you find yourself again playing the two-week waiting game, these are the words you can say to remind yourself of the next best steps that will bring you to a place of ease: thoughts, emotions, body, and breath.

Four Elements to Thriving

1. Thoughts

Notice your thoughts. When your mind starts to take you to a place of worry or angst – and it will, (because this is the nature of the mind) – use a mantra (i.e., “All is Well”) or intention (i.e., “I am calm”) to replace the negative energy with a better feeling thought.

To learn more about mantra & intention setting, watch our 5-minute video called “Energy Follows Intention.”

2. Emotions

Without judgment, and with a sense of curiosity, notice your emotions and how you are feeling in that moment. If you feel anxious, scared, sad, defeated, etc, acknowledge the emotion and name it. For example, say to yourself “I am feeling really ______ right now.” Take just a moment to lean into that feeling, rather than resist it.

3. Body

Shift your awareness to your physical body. Take a deep breath and discover where in your body these emotions “live,” so to speak. As you pay attention, notice where in your body you may be feeling a tightness, gripping, tingling, a sense of heaviness, holding, etc.

4. Breath

As you discern the areas where you are holding emotions and energy in the physical body, start to place your attention on your breath. Use a conscious yogic breath work such as diaphragmatic breathing (Ujjayi), balancing breath (Nadi Shodhana), or 3 part breathing, and steer your breath into specific areas of your body where you feel is needed. 

You can also integrate other physical practices, such as taking a light walk, doing a fertility yoga practice, being in nature at the beach, some easy gardening, and listening to guided meditations.

All the above-mentioned breathing exercises and many more, plus yoga practices, meditations, and other mind-body tools can be found in our Membership Immersion on Soulful Conceptions™.

Ritual & Self-Nourishment

An added bonus step we recommend is to create a daily ritual of self-nourishment. This could be any practice of mindfulness that you can easily integrate daily, and that makes you feel nourished.

For example, take the first 10 minutes upon waking (or any time of day) to meditate. Or, sit in your garden with a warm cup of tea and your bare feet in the grass. A movement ritual such as yoga or walking, a 3-minute gratitude practice with journaling (either in the morning or right before sleep) is also a beautiful example of ritual and self-nourishment.

You get to choose, and there is no wrong answer, as long as it is something you want to do and can do successfully. If this is new to you, start with 5 minutes a day. You can always extend the time!

Resources to Support You on the Two Week Wait

We have an extensive video and audio library within our site. There you will find many wonderful guided meditations. One of our favorites is a short practice called “Root Meditation.” These are currently available for purchase in the Membership Immersion.

As part of our Be More, Do Less™ 12-week Coaching Program, we also have a 14-day guide to nurture you through the full span of the TWW called the “Two Week Wait Thrival Kit.”

And finally, if you want to dive deeper into learning about thriving on the path of fertility, watch this educational video. In it, we teach about the psoas muscles and their impact on fertility. We also share a simple exercise to unwind, get more grounded and find a calm state of being.

In the meantime, if you have questions, please reach out! We’re here for ya.

Be gentle with yourself, and may you have easy breaths along the way. 

, , , , ,

Empowerment on the Fertility Journey

Empowerment on the Fertility Journey

Empowerment on the Fertility Journey

Ask most individuals moving through the process of trying to conceive (or even those being proactive with egg freezing) if they’ve found empowerment on the fertility journey and most will tell you they feel anything but empowered.

Sure, they may be gung-ho, positive, and feeling strong in the beginning. But have a candid and honest conversation with anyone who has survived several months – or in many cases several years – of struggling with making decisions and taking actions regarding their fertility (such as IUIs and IVFs)? They will express that it is one of the most excruciatingly painful experiences of their life.

Embodying Empowerment …

So, how do you embody a sense of empowerment on the fertility journey?

First, I think it’s important to acknowledge that each of us is different, and thereby each of our journeys will be different. Comparing yourself to someone else is just not one ounce of help to your mindset. Two women may be the same age, have similar blood work numbers, embark on the same treatments, etc., but how, when or if you get pregnant may be very different because it is a multi-factorial mind/body/spirit process.

My Introduction to Fertility Yoga

Did I always want to teach something as specific as fertility yoga? Nope.

At age 30, it kind of dropped in my lap at a time when I was pretty certain I never wanted to bear a child. Irony at its best, right?!

But the thing is: I wholeheartedly fell in love with the comprehensive nature of the practice. I appreciated that it wasn’t just yoga – that it is a thoroughly researched and beautifully curated combination of yoga postures, breathwork, meditation, acupressure as well as the psychology behind the complex emotions of the fertility process.

It wasn’t long before I recognized this methodology and these “tools” were actually not just for fertility – even though they absolutely and 100% provide empowerment on the fertility journey.

The practice improves overall health, well-being, and hormonal balance. After all, being “fertile” isn’t just about having a baby.

My epiphany happened when I realized that whether I was going to have a child or not, these practices would prepare and inform my body (and mind) to be the healthiest it could be — no matter where my path led me. For me, that realization was empowerment, at its core.

My Fertility Journey

Fast forward to age 38. After having integrated this fertility yoga and mind-body practice in my life for many years, I got pregnant naturally! And any previous uncertainty about us wanting to have a biological child had completely vanished. Three months later I miscarried because of a rare chromosomal abnormality. Needless to say, my husband and I were absolutely devastated…

And boom! I found myself navigating an all too familiar experience. An experience often shared with me by my clients; which I had so many times before held the space for others. I was navigating my own devastation and grief of fertility challenges. I call it the “invisibility of infertility grief.” Those traveling this path understand that we somehow “get through” our day without anyone knowing that inside we are actually crumbling apart and that our heart is breaking.

Five months later, I found myself experiencing a second pregnancy loss. But, thankfully, seven months after that I was pregnant a third time with my son. It’s true that my fertility journey wasn’t very “long” compared to someone who year after year finds herself still without her child.

But even once I was pregnant with him, the pregnancy itself was not without its scares and challenges. By the end, I was extremely lucky at age 40 to have my ideal childbirth and delivery — even while managing a “severe” disc herniation in my lumbar spine that had been diagnosed years prior to pregnancy.

I owe an immense amount of my ability to stay calm and trusting of my body to my fertility yoga mind-body practices.

How Yoga for Fertility and Mind-Body Practices can Help You

This is where fertility yoga can help. It focuses on reducing the impacts and presence of chronic stress and optimizing one’s fertility naturally. And once we have tools – and a plan (!) – empowerment on the fertility journey seems more possible.

The comprehensive methodologies of Soulful Conceptions™ – combining yoga, breathwork, psychology, etc. – partnered with my favorite product called the Fertility Ball Method® is synergy at its best. This self-acupressure system has been transformative for me and so many of my clients, not only for fertility but also for other wellness practices such as myofascial release (which can be used effectively for those with Endometriosis or anyone dealing with adhesions and/or scar tissue).

The physical practice of yoga focuses on improving blood flow and circulation to the low back (sacral plexus), hips, groin, and pelvis. This can aid in healthier gynecological function and help nourish the neuroendocrine system. We, at Living Lēla, educate individuals about which postures are safe (depending on where you are in your cycle and your process of fertility treatments). Additionally, this unique approach provides stress reduction tools and addresses the complex emotional components that often accompany us when trying to conceive.

Part of our manifesto is that we strive to guide those on the fertility journey towards empowerment, proactivity, learning to soften and surrender into the immense intelligence of the body. And, to trust the process.

The sugar on top? Our comprehensive mind-body programs are a safe and complementary practice to any Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART). They can be practiced no matter where you are in the process! In my 17 years of teaching, I’m thrilled to say I have witnessed countless women’s and couples’ dreams of having children come to fruition.

If I had to sum it up in one word, I would say these mind-body practices provide learning the lesson of Equanimity.

Equanimity is the key – no matter where the path leads you

So, does the story always end with unicorns and rainbows (or a “rainbow baby”)? Let’s be honest: no.

And what the heck is this “Equanimity” I speak of, you may ask?

The classic definition of Equanimity is having an even mind; a state of psychological stability and composure which is undisturbed by experience of or exposure to emotions, pain, or other phenomena that may cause others to lose the balance of their mind. 

It means learning to make peace with “what is.” And this just might be the ticket to alleviate suffering…
Pain + Struggle = Suffering

It is no doubt that we all at some point in our lives experience challenges/pain points. Yet, when we struggle against it and yearn for it to be “different” is when we create suffering.

Of course, I must acknowledge it is not always easy to just accept and surrender to what is happening in that moment. We – Deborah and Wendy –  of Living Lēla have experienced firsthand how painfully heartbreaking and overwhelming it can all feel.

But remember this, for better or for worse: everything is temporary.

Allow whatever you’re feeling to be there, and then allow it to soften and be released. This is the practice of Equanimity. In fact, the Buddhist definition of Equanimity sums it up beautifully:

Neither a thought nor an emotion, it is rather the steady conscious realization of reality’s transience. It is the ground for wisdom and freedom and the protector of compassion and love.

Tangible Tools for Empowerment on the Fertility Journey & Beyond

Wherever you are in your process, the following suggestions can help you find more empowerment on the fertility journey and the path beyond that positive pregnancy test (i.e., Life!).

It’s also important to note these techniques and suggestions are useful both for the person trying to get pregnant and their respective partner and/or support community.

  1. Notice your breath. Conscious breathing is one of the fastest and most powerful tools. It helps refocus the mind, soften the body and elicit the parasympathetic nervous system (which is the relaxation response). I suggest taking 9 full rounds of breath every hour on the hour. If you practice Ujjayi Pranayama, or Victorious Breathing, the yogic diaphragmatic breathing technique, that is a fantastic breath work to use. Otherwise, just regular, full belly breaths will work (to engage your diaphragm and get the relaxation response to turn on)!
  2. Notice your Thoughts. During the course of your day begin to observe your thoughts as separate from you. This brings us back to the concept of Equanimity. Note any thoughts that seem to bring up anger, worry, anxiety, or fear.And take a moment to use Ujjayi Breath/conscious breathing to create some space and relaxation during those times. Replace those anxious thoughts with a better feeling or more helpful thought. If that feels difficult at that moment, consider a Loving Kindness (Metta) Meditation. You could simply say or think it to yourself:

    “May I be filled with Loving Kindness.

    May I be at peace and at ease.

    May I be free from inner and outer harm.

    May I be surrounded by Love.”

  3. Take Back Control. As there is so much out of our control, focus on the things you can control. Educate yourself on healthy beauty products and cosmetics. This is to ensure you aren’t taxing your system with extra toxins that could also impede reproductive health. To learn more about this subject, ways you can protect yourself, and resources to help guide you, read here.
  4. Find Your Tribe and Support System. If you are experiencing stress and feelings of isolation, please know you are not alone. There are support groups and organizations in place to help you navigate all you may be feeling. Even the most loving, attentive, and supportive partner cannot witness you in the same way as those who have (or currently are) going through it can.

Some support resources:

To learn more about the fertility yoga and group support classes and workshops we teach, as well as access to the online programs and content, visit Soulful Conceptions™.

You can learn more about my (Wendy) yoga therapy and corporate wellness offerings at Divine Spark Yoga. I am also teaching bi-weekly Therapeutic Flow™ classes via zoom.

, , , , , , ,

Struggle… is what I need?

Emerging From Struggle

For months and months while trying to get pregnant, then experiencing two miscarriages, and finally, during the #healthypregnancy of my son, I would see butterflies. White butterflies to be exact. They were there all the time, all around me.

Sometimes it would just be one, fluttering and bouncing about, as if it were teasing me or trying to get close enough to tell me a secret. Other times, it would be two white butterflies turning over and over one another. They acted as though they were children romping around in the coolest, most magical playground ever, or maybe they were two lovers dancing happily to their favorite song. Either way, I always noticed.

I constantly wondered what seeing these butterflies meant. So as most of us human beings do, I placed a meaning upon them. To me, they became like a whisper of encouragement; every time I saw them, they made me smile. Their presence comforted me and made me feel protected – as if I was receiving confirmation that I was on the right path.

Around a year after the birth of my son, I stopped seeing those butterflies. Or perhaps more specifically, wasn’t looking for them and didn’t notice if they were still there or not. Lately, however, I am starting to see them again! Mostly solid white ones, but delightfully sometimes even orange, one of my favorite colors.

Messages from the Universe?

So, what do these butterfly sightings mean? Who really knows.

However, consider this phenomenon — of the Universe giving us “signs.”

I was reminded of the phenomenon of totem animals when I read a blog called “Totem Animals and hearing the messages the Universe sends you” by a Canadian author named Danielle LaPorte. Immediately, I looked up the significance of butterflies.

The Process of Growth

One resource stated, “butterflies represent the need for change and greater freedom, and at the same time, it represents courage: one requires courage to carry out the changes necessary in the process of growth.”

This source went on to tell a short story about a man who found a cocoon of what would become a butterfly. He took this cocoon home so he could witness the transformation. On the day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched. It took hours as the butterfly struggled to force its body out of the very small opening in the cocoon.

To the man, the butterfly seemed to have stopped in its progress. He imagined that it had gotten as far as it could on its own and that now it was stuck. In his kindness, he wanted to help the butterfly. He took scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly emerged very easily. However, its body was swollen, and its wings shriveled. And it was never able to fly.

Freedom and Flight

The man didn’t realize as he acted so quickly to “help” that the restriction of the cocoon and struggle of the butterfly was a way of forcing fluid from the butterfly’s body into its wings. This process elicits strength for the butterfly to be ready for flight once it achieves freedom from the cocoon. Freedom and flight would only occur after the struggle. In fact, “by depriving the butterfly of a struggle, he deprived the butterfly of health.”

This story was summed up with, “sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been…”

I think about the struggle of us who have experienced (or are currently experiencing) fertility challenges and pregnancy loss. Yet, how could we ever look at those heartbreaking experiences as something we need?

Becoming a parent is our birthright! And yet, becoming a parent will be one of the hardest, most challenging endeavors one will ever experience – whether it comes “easily” or not. Yet, because of that struggle, it will also be one of the most rewarding, freeing experiences in our life, just like the butterfly.

But when traversing the journey of trying to become a parent, it’s easy to feel that your body’s normal functions are failing you when it comes to conceiving and holding a pregnancy. As a result, the empty void left can feel never-ending, having no clarity for something that feels like it needs hard, fast answers.

Reframing the Struggle as a Gift

So, what do we do?

We pause. We take in a sweet breath.

We nurture ourselves and trust that life is supporting us. We try to shift the thoughts that don’t serve us.

We do our best to survive the struggle long enough to find that powerful transformation that is surely around the corner.

We remember the butterfly, who has known many forms before it takes flight. In fact, “scientific research has shown that the butterfly is the only living being capable of entirely changing its genetic structure during the process of transformation: the caterpillar’s DNA is totally different from the butterfly’s. Thus, it is the symbol of total transformation.”

If you want to be a parent, you will be—no matter the ‘how,’ becoming a parent will require your total transformation.

So, if you are struggling, first know that you are not alone. I see you.

And I invite you to reframe the situation in your mind. Lean into the struggle with eyes wide open. Trust the process (this is a hard one!). Take those deep breaths along the way. Nourish your mind-body system. Surround yourself with support and those who “speak” the language of your experience.

Remember that although this may be the hardest experience along the way, it could also be the most needed. It could be the next necessary step.

In the end, your struggle is sure to make you not only a better parent but also a better human being.