, , , , , , , ,

A Different Perspective on New Year’s Resolutions

As we rang in the New Year for 2022, we declared, “No More Resolutions!”
It’s that time of year when the collective talks about resolutions. Instead, we are offering a slightly different perspective on New Year’s Resolutions. And a tip on how to actually create lasting change.

Why Resolutions Often “Fail.”
In the next couple of paragraphs, we will discuss why resolutions often fail. Additionally, we will also give an example of steps you can engage to move towards a goal.

First, think about any resolutions you made this year or ones you created in the past. Were they more broad, general ideas, or were they specific with a plan?

In Psychology, we use the term “behavioral prescriptions” to describe specific behaviors or steps we can engage in to move towards a goal.

One example if the goal was to learn how to ballroom dance, the specific steps might include:

1) Researching local dance studios;
2) Signing up;
3) Attending the classes regularly; and,
4) Making time to practice 1-2 days a week outside of class.

The next thing to consider is that individuals often give up before the new behaviors (thoughts or actions) have been solidified in the brain. That “solidification” is through the process of neuroplasticity.

What is Neuroplasticity?
Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to bud new neurons (your thinking cells) and to make connections between neurons.

For this process to happen, we need to FOCUS + PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.

The good news is that we all have the ability to create new pathways in the brain, we just have to follow the rules of neuroplasticity.

Fostering Change. One Thing at a Time.
So, now you hopefully have a better understanding of the principles of change. With this clarity, it will help you to foster the changes you seek.

We also recommend you pick ONE thing at a time to work on, rather than try to change many things at once.

How come?

1) It will be easier to focus on one thing at a time.

2) Once you have success changing the first thing it helps to convince your subconscious that you can create other changes in your life!

, , , , , ,

Tame the Shame Campaign

Release the Shame of Infertility

The #shameofinfertility, its challenges, and pregnancy loss/miscarriage are difficult roads to navigate and can bring about many uncomfortable emotions, including anger, grief, sadness, and shame. How do we begin to release the shame of infertility?

We are on a mission to normalize the conversation around these difficulties and to embrace the concept of being “perfectly imperfect.” The fertility journey can bring with it many reasons to feel broken, alone, less than, guilty, isolated, and much more. So, we want to start a fertility revolution and help pave the way for women and their partners to tame the feelings of shame, and start stepping into a space of peace and joy.

What is Shame?

It is the emotion we feel when we perceive ourselves as “defective/flawed,” “unworthy, “ “unlovable,” “not good enough,” etc. It is “deeper” than the feeling of guilt, which is triggered by being unhappy with our behavior (“I should have been more polite”). With shame, we are attacking our “core self.”

Shame is probably the most painful of all of the “uncomfortable/negative” emotions we experience as humans.

Shame is triggered when we think we “should” be different in some way:

“I should be perfect”,

“I should be smarter”,

“I should be _____________”. 

As children, we all heard “shoulds” that helped to shape our self-concept – from parents and siblings, teachers, coaches, media, etc. – but it does not mean these “shoulds” are actually true (or healthy/helpful)!

Shame shows up for everyone…

Here’s the thing: everyone experiences shame at some point in life – but it can present itself in many different ways.

Some people “wear their shame on their sleeve”. You hear them outwardly say things like, “I’m a loser… no good… who would ever love me…” etc. Self-loathing is one of the “unhealthy” manifestations of shame.

Some people look more “neutral” – they may not be aware of their shame or aware of when shame is “driving” their behavior in the moment.

Do you try to hide your flaws? This is another “unhealthy” coping mechanism to escape feeling shameful.

Shame often presents itself in the form of judgment, criticism, and superiority. So when you catch yourself judging or criticizing someone – YOUR shame button has been tripped. This is another “unhealthy” way we express our own feelings of shame.

The Antidote

So what is the antidote when we are feeling ashamed? To practice self-love and compassion.

In Eastern philosophy, we are taught to “move towards” our uncomfortable feelings and learn the lesson(s) being presented, so that we may release/discharge this energy and move forward.

When we choose to escape/avoid (as many do – via denial, substance use, shopping, gambling, emotional eating, overwork, etc.) the shame (or any other uncomfortable emotion) stays trapped in the mind-body system and creates a state of dis-ease. If we do not address this dis-ease, it can then turn into disease (mental or physical).

Learning to face our discomfort and move through it, allows us to regain a state of inner peace, joy, calm, contentment, etc.

What is Tame the Shame Campaign?

Well, there’s a quote from Dan Siegel, MD: 

“If you can name it, you can tame it”!!

This phrase parallels the Eastern teachings of cultivating the skill of “mindful space” or the “observer self.” When you can observe yourself having a thought, emotion, or bodily sensation, then there is a part of you “outside” of the person having the thought, feeling, or sensation. This awareness gives you the ability to change your experience and choose new behavior(s)!!

How you can get involved

So, in an effort to “tame the shame,” we are asking folks to have the strength to share their story. This could be in a myriad of ways: maybe you start a blog, attend or lead a support group, share your story with your friends or family, post on social media about what you’re going through… 

We know all of these may feel scary. But here’s the thing… being vulnerable is actually a strength and what will set you free!!! 

So you decide – share a little or a lot. If you choose to post on social media but don’t show your face or reveal your true identity, that’s okay! Take it one step at a time. But on the other hand, what if you did?  

In any case, we invite you to print off the below images (the “perfectly imperfect” and “_____ is a part of my story”) and either hang them up in your home to remind you that we ALL are perfectly imperfect and that our challenges and heartbreaks are only PART of our story. Or maybe you post with these images on social media with the hashtag #tametheshame.

Or perhaps both? Be brave, my sister. We’ve got your back.

Visit our Instagram page and share with us what you are doing to #TametheShame.

If you want to learn more about the ways to navigate hard emotions when trying to conceive, check out this blog, as well as our online courses at soulfulconceptions.com.

Tame the Shame

, , , , , , , ,

Yoga for Painful Periods

Yoga for Painful Periods is in honor of Endometriosis Awareness Month (March), where we have created 4 different video segments to address this common condition and the pain associated with it.

These videos offer easy-to-integrate and powerful mind-body medicine tools.

In the first video, Reduce the Pain of Endometriosis, we share research on the use of yoga as a tool to decrease endometriosis pain. We also teach you one breathing exercise to help you become aware of your inner body and move into the Relaxation Response (rest-digest and reproduce).

In video #2, learn about your fascia (connective tissue) and how the Fertility Ball Method®️ may be used for myofascial release, which helps to increase relaxation and circulation in the body and decrease pain.

The third video segment features Megan Murphy-Rouse, a Functional Medicine Nutritionist and Certified Ayurvedic Practitioner. She talks about the ways we can use food as medicine to reduce inflammation and pain and improve hormonal balance when navigating endometriosis.

Megan is a guest contributor for our Soulful Conceptions™ Programs and the creator of the Fertile Rhythm Roadmap™ (which is also featured in our 12-week coaching program). Learn more about Megan at rootvitality.com.

Besides diet/nutrition, how we live can have a significant impact on our levels of stress and inflammation. In the final video of this segment, we discuss lifestyle changes you can incorporate to improve your mental and physical well-being.

Here’s the great news: You can immediately incorporate these practices to improve your quality of life! They will help you better navigate the challenges of Endometriosis, as well as life’s other stresses.

In addition, local Los Angeles Acupuncture and Integrative Medicine – Denise Noyer-Erez L.Ac invited Wendy to be a part of another important conversation related to issues of Endometriosis:

Yoga for Painful Periods

Wendy spoke about the benefits of yoga and breathing for severe period pain. She also shared a few yoga poses that you can use right away to help ease endometriosis and menstrual discomfort!

 

Take a look and tell us how this Yoga for Painful Periods practice helped you!

, , , , , , , ,

Things you can Control during the Two Week Wait

The journey of fertility is often filled with ups and downs, and a sense of helplessness. Each cycle can feel like you’re on the worst rollercoaster of your life. The two-week wait (aka TWW or 2ww) is particularly hard, where you often vacillate between hope and despair, as you hyper-focus on every twinge or other body symptom, wondering if this cycle will be “the one”?

We humans do not like it when we feel out of control.

So we have a little yogic wisdom we like to share with our clients:

Control what you can, let go of everything else.

I know, I know – easy to say, harder to put into action! But here’s the reality: there is so much that is out of our control in this life; so, let’s focus on what we can control.  

There are simple actions you can practice on a daily basis (ideally) that significantly impact emotional and physiological well-being. These practices will help you feel more at ease during the dreaded #TWW and far beyond.

Here are a few things you can control during the two-week wait (or at least have a say in):

  1. THOUGHTS: Your thoughts turn on emotions (which turn on a body response). Recognize that you have a say in whether or not you are feeling fearful and anxious, or happy and content. If your initial thought “habit” is to worry and be fearful, you can relearn this habit.

 

  1. FEELINGS: No one “likes” to be uncomfortable but one of the most important lessons you can learn is to “sit” in uncomfortable emotions (temporarily). Recognize that your emotions are “data” and temporary. Once you learn this lesson, you will be able to navigate the “weather” of the emotional landscape from a more non-attached and empowered place. Pain is inevitable with fertility challenges, but suffering is optional.

 

  1. BODY: Practice radical self-care! What is that you may ask? Love and honor your body and self as if you were the most valuable entity on the planet (just like you would take care of your future baby or a beloved pet). Do what feels nurturing – take a hot bath, eat whole foods, decrease toxins, sleep, move, breathe, etc. Be grateful for what your body allows you to do in the world (see, smell, feel, dance, etc.).

 

  1. BREATH: Your breath carries vital life force and nutrients necessary for the body to function optimally. When you consciously breathe with your belly, you shift your nervous system into the “Rest, Digest and Reproduce” response. This lowers and stabilizes blood pressure, strengthens the immune system, and increases lung capacity (thereby helping to reduce the effects of “old age” problems such as a loss of vitality), just to name a few.

And the other two best things about practicing breathwork? It’s absolutely FREE and it’s fast-acting (in most cases, it has an immediate effect)!

 

For guidance, ideas, and tangible tools to integrate immediately, we have all of the above available and so much more in our Soulful Conceptions™ Membership Immersion Home-Study program.

Opt-in to receive a free gift at www.soulfulconceptions.com.

 

, , , , , ,

Navigating Hard Emotions when TTC

If you’re trying for a baby, you may already be familiar with navigating hard emotions while #TTC.

And if you can relate, I want you to consider (and remember) the following quote, by Buddhist Nun and Teacher, Pema Chödrön:

“You are the sky.
Everything else is just the weather.”

Particularly when navigating the journey of fertility, emotions can feel absolutely overwhelming. Dare I say, soul-crushing and even immobilizing, at times. It can be like the world, your body and everyone around is somehow failing you. I’ve been there.

Have you heard of the funny quote, “Shift Happens.”? Well, it happens to be very true when it come to emotions. A concept that has helped me navigate difficult emotions is one that we now teach in our Soulful Conceptions™ Programs:

“View of your emotions as the clouds… “

The clouds move in and they move out. They change shape and color. And they disappear. Yes, the clouds are amazing! They are also “on the move” and impermanent.

One of the most powerful and efficient ways to make “shift happen” is to notice your breath. Find a comfortable position and take a big breath in and exhale through the mouth — then, sigh it out. Make sound. Hum it out. OM it out. Whatever works for you! Do this several rounds.

Now, begin to invite your conscious breathing in and out through your nose. Soften your belly and as you inhale, allow your breath to move deep down in the belly. And exhale. As you continue your next inhale, see if your breath can move first into your belly and then into your rib cage. And on your next breath in, encourage your breath to move into your belly, ribcage, and all the way up into your chest. Feel your heart expand.

On each exhale, soften something. Let something go (this might be a thought!) and notice if your body can begin to feel more grounded and “held” by Mother Earth.

And remember, they call it a “practice” for a reason.

So, on a day that feels challenging to you, practice breathing this way every hour on the hour for 9-12 rounds of breath. Then, notice how you feel. Consider integrating this practice into your daily for a week and see what changes.

If you are yearning to learn more about conscious breathing for fertility and pregnancy after infertility (plus just overall health & wellbeing), visit our site or drop into one of our weekly live-streaming mind-body support groups (pre-registration is required to attend).

In the meantime, know this, Mama-to-be:

Your “clouds” (emotions) will do their thing. Allow them the space to shift and change. They will move through. You will be okay. And for now, it’s okay to not be okay.

Because you, my darling, are the magnificent, vast and glorious kick-ass sky! 

Finding Peace Even When Life’s Giving You Lemons

Finding Peace Even When Life’s Giving You Lemons

This time of year is, in general, more stressful for most, even if you enjoy the holiday season. But when you’re also trying to navigate the challenges of getting pregnant when your body is not cooperating, the ability to find your equanimity will likely be put to the test. Seeing children and pregnant family members or friends may have an even sharper edge right now. So when it’s your turn at the dinner table to speak about what you’re thankful for or find your holiday “joy” – how will you respond?

First of all, know that you have a right to all of your feelings – the “good” and the “bad.” The journey of fertility challenges usually includes a repeated grief cycle; every month when your period comes it triggers a new loss that must be mourned yet again. But know that you also have a choice to move out of the anger, sadness, fear and shame into a more neutral or positive place. It may not always feel like a choice, but each of us can directly control our thoughts – and our thoughts turn on our feelings and body responses (e.g., angry thoughts turn on angry feelings and the stress response in the body, i.e., muscle tension, increased heart rate, etc.).

Equanimity is defined as “evenness of mind especially under stress.” I find that the easiest way to achieve that “evenness” is by using what is by definition, yoga – the yoking of opposites. When we are in pain, we tend to focus only on one side of the coin – what we don’t have, what we don’t like, what we want to be different, etc. “Opposite action” challenges us to do just that – do the opposite of what we’re doing right now. In this case, it would be to find gratitude and contentment for what we do have, for what is – right now.

In Eastern philosophy, “Yang” energy is the masculine energy – the “doing” part of our selves. It gets us fired up to work hard and to achieve – climb the corporate ladder, get good grades, or “make” a baby. But it is important to balance Yang energy with some “Yin” – the feminine energy. Yin is the “being” part of our selves – it asks us to just sit still and receive, to be grateful for and accept what is. Our culture tends to cultivate and reinforce a lot of Yang behavior but many are at a loss of how to tap into the Yin.

Imagine an upright coin sitting in front of you. On one side lies all of your current physical and emotional pain. If this is all that exists in your mind, the coin will topple over, as it is completely unbalanced. So now, take a moment and find things that you are grateful for. I know this question may be challenging at first, but think about the gifts that your fertility journey has brought into your life. Has this brought you and your partner even closer? Have you become a more compassionate person? What have you learned about yourself that you did now know before? Put all of these elements on the other side of the coin. Now see the coin equally balanced – all factors present, valid, real, no element more important than the other. Just observe how that changes you at the emotional, physical and spiritual levels.

People who are skilled at equanimity have the same ups and downs as everyone else – they just expect and accept those highs and lows as a part of life’s journey, rather than fighting it or being in denial. This is also made easier because they remember that everything is temporary and that everything is a lesson. The lemons that life sometimes hands us really are “neutral” – they are neither good nor bad. It’s your perception of the lemon that will put it in one camp or the other. The same is true for your fertility challenges. I know that may be hard to swallow, just like a lemon without any sugar, but from a spiritual place, it “just is.” I’m not saying there won’t be some sour moments along this journey, of course, there are. But how long do you choose to stay in them, and what can you do that’s within your control to make it a little sweeter?

Just remember that equanimity, like any valuable skill, must be practiced in order to gain expertise. The irony is that you need those stressors in order to practice and attain it in the first place. But take heart in knowing that as you hone this skill, those “stressors” will no long be so stressful.

Blessings,

Deborah